Thursday, June 01, 2006

Haven't post in a while explanation...

Having survived the end rush last semester I now have time to reflect. What I am discovering in my day to day activity is a lack of buzz... While going to school, working full time, and teaching, I was constantly on the move, ready for another project, ready to sleep at the end of the day, ready to excel in new and exciting projects, ready to relish in the free time that seemed elusive and out of reach. I have that free time now and it's painful. I don't know what to do. My writing has suffered. My reading has slowed.

I have an internal alternator, constantly generating energy from activity (both physical and mental). When that energy stops, my generative momentum slows. I miss the buzz: that feeling of movement and flow. I miss being challenged on a daily basis.


At 9:03 PM, Blogger Jessie said...

Yes, I know what you mean. It is happening to me as well. My reading and writing has slowed also...yet I find myself constantly busying myself with meaningless activity. With work I'm making my own schedule and therefore find myself working all the time (meaningless work compared to writing).

Hence, the trip that V. and I are taking. We're leaving Saturday and will be back in a week or so. We'll give you a call when we get back. Dinner and frisbee?? heehee. Or something.

And I'm looking forward to hearing more about your possible move to the cities. Don't worry--I'm not much competition in the job market...that is unless you plan on applying at bookstores, gas stations, or coffee shops! :)- Who knows, maybe we'll all luck out. I don't technically have my degree yet, so I won't be much for teaching competition. I think I might become a professional artist. ha! I wish!

Ok...see you when we return.

Take care! And good luck getting that internal alternator worked out. It is weird, isn't it.

At 8:46 AM, Blogger Sim Yin said...

I totally understand what you mean by "I have that free time now and it's painful. I don't know what to do." Haha. I used to work 12 hours a day and now I wake up every morning thinking what I should do with the rest of my day.

At 9:13 AM, Blogger Amber said...

Wow. Thank you for articulating this feeling in a way that makes sense. I've just been beating myself up with guilt over the fact that the closest I can get to writing is plotting out stories when I'm half-dreaming, sleeping too late in the morning. And when I wake up, those plots always seem shallow and transparent. But with no immediate motivation (deadline or grade), I can't seem to focus my creative energy when I'm fully awake.

At 4:41 PM, Blogger Froyd said...

you need a cat.


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